New Years eve

This is  the time you reflect on the past year. It has been an interesting year. Good in so many ways. Sally got her grades to train as a primary school teacher and moved in a lovely flat, Sophie got on Project  Search( a course that helps people with disabilities get a job) and passed her driving test. John has done well sailing his Aero dingy and me, while  I done  a 20 mile walk for breast cancer at Polsten Lacy, completed  the Bantham Swoosh, a 4 mile swim and done a sprint triathlon. Work had it ups and downs as activities in the nursing home, but turned out alright in the end !!  The end of the year as been a bit of a bomb shell to say the least, from just thinking it was a migraine to being told they think it something else that I can not remember what!, to Brain tumor, to aggressive horrible tumor that will end your life and that you will need chemo and radio that will make you head sore and you will feel sick. Hay ho, life has a plan and this is mine so button up and get on with it, make the most of what id left!!  I am lucky I have John, the girls and brilliant family and friends.

Getting on to today, I did not want to walk, but John near enough pushed me out of bed and yes I got on with it. Am I  glad a did 4 miles power walking  speed over the Suspension Bridge and into Aston Court, loved the walk, Celia and I slowed down on the way back , she reminded me I should slow down, so I did!!   I took Bert today and he finally doing  good heel work.  Cup of tea at the end of the walk, had to skip the biscuit because of the chemo tablets. Back home and a quick change and off out to lunch. Farmers Table at Tortworth, very nice, Sophie took me to meet Janine, someone that helped me when Clare died with Southall my  horse. (My sister Clare died in a riding accident 25 years ago) we became friends but lost touch and before my  cancer (put illness to start with, but lets say it as it is) mum met her at a party and we have been trying  to meet up ever scene.   2 cups of coffee later and food we were still there.
When I got home I spend the afternoon on the Sofa with Bertie watching 60 min make over and fell asleep, it was that good !!  I also felt very sick, always do when I am tired. This treatment is not for the faint hearted.

Off to mum and dads this evening for Roast lamb.
 Happy New year.

I slept the night and review

I actually had a full night sleep and it was great. John  had taken Sally to the airport for 6.30  and I slept though them getting up, my head is sore just touching the pillow.
I did not a lot before going to hospital this morning, appointment 1pm, plus review and bloods.
We had a coffee and I took my chemo tablets before we went to the radio  appointment. The appointment was early and they are so lovely there, they knew I have been struggling a bit lately.
Then I had my review with Nurse and I told her I was finding it all hard and I was trying to be brave, after a cry and a chat, with her telling me it is normal to feel the way I do half way though. She also said that while the hair is coming out my head would be sorer and that should die down. We also talked about the fact it is a terminal illness and I am finding hard that in years to come I will not be around for the girls, life sucks!!! John also mentioned to her that I was over doing thing(he is nothing but honest!!) and that is when the tears appear. John has also been amazing , not to much pampering, but enough to look after me .( he has never really pampered me, so if he started now it would be weird). I always get weighed and we check on tablets , the appointment has done me a world of good. Bloods next , due to the nurse being sick we head towards the chemo floor and a lovely nurse takes them, then home.
Sophie has been out to lunch with Celia  and they arrive home5 mins after we do. Celia stops for a chat and I show her my bald patch, I ask her if she is brave enough to see it.  We chatted about the review with John adding in his bits, all this makes me feel better.
Julie also phones which cheers me up a lot too, we can laugh about anything !!. An outing to hobby craft for a crochet hook then back home to blog.

The picture tonight is the parcel that John brother sent to cheer me up. he lives in Sweden with his wife Annette and my nephews James and Marks and Step nephew Robin and Step niece Andrea, we do not see them that much, but they have been very supportive over my illness which I really appreciate.

Jeremy also has a Birthday tomorrow, so Happy Birthday, I hope you have a good day.

Phil came to hospital

Another restless night, head sore and hair still coming out.. It is hard to sleep as I normally sleep on the right  hand side, so hence the bad nights. I also see the bald patch on the back of my head which shocks me a little, cancer is real and at the moment I am struggling with it, ..It is pants and at the moment I want to lock myself away111
Housework today before Phil picks me up to go to hospital, driving there we decided to go to the running shop, where Phil  goes  on the tread machine  to see his running, then he gets fitted with some wonderful trainers. On to the hospital, where we sit in our normal place. Chatting to other patients I discover that the sore head is normal when the hair is falling out, which makes me feel better as I know it is normal. We are in early today and Phil gets a look at the machine and mask. the treatment is over quickly and we head home for lunch with John, Sally and Sophie. Sally and I then venture out on the bikes, mad as we are as it is icy and we nearly turn home , but Sally needed euros from Tesco as she is off to Ireland tom visiting Jacks parents(jack is already there). Not the best of rides as the roads fell slippery, but good all the same.
Very very tired, so I hope I will sleep we tonight. This evening all I am doing is watching TV and sorting out stuff.

Back to Hospital

The day starts with a walk with Slinky, something that I really enjoy. Poppy came too with Heather so she could see what the park is about, fun and dog socializing.
Celia picked me up at 10.30 to go to the hospital. Richard was also coming too. We arrive in time to have a look at the Fat face sale, so I bought a cardigan I have been eyeing up, then Boston Tea Party for  coffee and to take my tablets. Time went quickly and we were off to the hospital and they were on time, Richard came in for a tour of the machine and to see the mask. It was  also good to chat to them about the hair falling out!!, told them about my mini  melt down.  My head is also quite sore and I did not sleep very well last night. Tonight I will take some pain killers before I go to bed.  I just hope that all this treatment is working and keeping the tumor
  at bay and gives me the time  I want. Living with the cancer is as hard as having the treatment, not knowing  what the tumor is doing  and what time you have left. I wish I wasn't blogging and I had my old life back, just thinking I had a bad headache or a migraine. But that is not the case and I must accept that this is my bag, however hard it is !!!
Janet  and Toby came over for a cup of tea, which was nice as she had been away in Cornwall for Christmas visiting her daughter. We kept a close eye on her house, neighbor hood watch is very good here. Sophie cooked my favorite food for tea, sausage, beans and mash.

Buying Sophie's 21st Birthday ring ...

In the evening we went to the mail with Sarah, my sister in law. We did have a good shop, we ended up buying Sophie a ring for her 21st Birthday present 7 months early, it was in the sale , stunning and beautiful . Sophie fell in love with it and so did I and I am not a jewelry person.They also bought new bags.  We also encouraged Sarah to shop and spend Phil's money!!!

Bad night sleep and Stonehenge

First of all I had a really bad nights sleep, I was so worried about my hair falling out and waking up with it in my mouth, I really hate hair, even though I cut both dogs hair, when I have finished there can not be a hair anywhere... Sorry back to the point I was making, not sleeping was not good, John ended up in spare room and  with my head sore too it was just not good..   Moan over.
We left for Stonehenge at 9 and arrived at 10.45, this is on my Bucket list. It was more commercial than I thought and I had to take my chemo tablets while waiting for the bus to take us there. but all the same it was very good. John had booked the audio tour and that made looking at the stones more interesting. It is hard to describe it all I did enjoy it.  We also had lunch there and the surrounding, made me feel like we were on holiday. Even Sophie enjoyed it !!!

Back home , boring tidying the house and Tesco for bread. I am very tired now, Sally has cooked tea and we are going to have a doughnut eating competition, who can eat one without licking there lips. Sophie is rubbish at this.... Back to this evening, it will be a slob evening in front of the TV.
Tomorrow back to the hospital for more treatment !!

Boxing Day and Hair falling out

Well the day started not so good, I was in the shower and I thought I saw hair, little did I know that when I came out the shower( I know this is too much detail, but I have to tell it as it is.) and towelling my hair, that the hair would be on the towel in clumps, I then combe in it and more came out. A phone call later to mum who came up and reshaped the hair, It is only a patch that I have lost, but when you see the first clumps come out it reminds you that you are ill. But not one to dwell on things, I have a new style !! Boxing day itself was really good, a big family walk to Tintern, Devils Pulpit. What a lovely walk, full of beautiful scenery. Then Back to Celia and Gavin for more food and a brilliant games of Pigs, which I was good at , as you did not have to use to brain to much, so being quick and being able to make a good grab!! I am only competitive in a nice sense, if that make sense.... We got home late from Celia, so I am now spending an hour up with the dogs and Sally is packing as Jack is off tomorrow to visit his parents in Ireland, his Brother Mikey flew in from Poland today and they are going home together by ferry, Sally is flying over on Friday.

 

 

Christmas Day

Well I was determined to enjoy this one as there is a chance it may be my last if the treatment fails to work. Sally has made me a bucket list plaque to go in the kitchen.

Back to Christmas it was lovely. The day started with opening presents, we always do each other stocking and I was very lucky with presents, one being a laptop of my own which I am now using.
I also got clothes and smellys.  I was  also very lucky to get a beginners kit of art and a velodrome   bike riding experience, both on my bucket list. I would not call myself materialist, simple things please me  but I loved my presents. After opening presents Sally, Phil and I went for a short  4 mile bike ride. I  love being out in the open. I'm also managed to cycle to the top of Over Lane. (very pleased with that as it is a hard hill). I also feel good till I take the chemo tablets, so I make the most of it..
We were at mum and dads for lunch, all 14 of us, it was great, lovely food followed by a quiz from

Phil, then a little more food and planning of tomorrow's  boxing day walk.  We stayed at mums till nearly 9 o'clock and I was very tired, Sally also has the end of a cold and was beginning to look tired. The one thing I am learning about taking chemo is that I have to accept I will have waves of feeling sick and to eat little but often, diet coke  also helps to keep the sickness at bay.

Christmas Eve

Poppy the Puppy

Celia picked me up to go walking  this morning and we walked 3 miles around Aztec, good pace, average 14.01 per mile. Pleased with that especially as there was the odd wave of sickness
( learning to live with it now) by the end of the walk I felt ok, so arrived home and seeing

I was feeling good, popped on a bike and cycled to Elaine's for a cup of tea. I got home in time to take the anti sickness and chemo tablets. Then believe it not forgot the time and was a little late for the tablets!!
Sally and Jack arrived home for  bacon butties at the same time Katie her friend popped in, so a full house. A visit from Poppy, her and Bertie now get on, they do make to laugh when they are together.
Mum, Dad, Sarah and Phil  were coming for food later, so we prepared some stuffed mushroom, to go with Quiche , salad and home made crumble. I love cooking ,especially baking. I try not to bake before and after tablets as I  can not  eat. Then Jack and I  were let loose up the mall, I  found a bright pink wig the other day and Jack treated me to it, we also bought Jacks dad presents and looked in an art gallery. I like art too, I impress Jack with my knowledge of one of the artists, the only one I know as we have a painting of his . We also went in Marks and pushed the boat out with some half price champagne.
Back  home we finish preparing tea and everyone arrives, we drink the champagne and eat the food. then we go over the road and look at the light in Cope park, they do a brilliant display every year for charity, St Peters Hospice.
Back home everyone plays the card game  Kings. Due to feeling a little sick, I sit this one out.
I will leave the blog now as I am great believer in Father Christmas and the magic it brings, so I hope stockings will be filled and mince pies are ate, we must also remember to leave him a pint!

Mum has just reminded that I was so scared of Father Christmas  I made him leave the present down stairs.  The tradition is still going with the presents left down stairs....

Happy Christmas Eve!

Visited the Cathedral before treatment

Woke up with a headache today and feeling teary, I  seem to be able to cry at the drop of a hat. I cry over kind e mails, phone calls, people being nice in cards, to be honest anything can bring tears and I am not sure where they are all coming from !!.  Sophie is getting used to it now. Try not to cry in public , never have done, so do not want to start now.
Walked Bertie in the park this morning, where he had a good run around with his friend Slinky .The walk cleared my head and made me feel good.
Celia picked me up to go for treatment, we did not go for coffee today, instead we went to visit the cathedral and light a candle, it was lovely..  We did not have time for coffee, so I took my tablet while going up Park Street, we did stop, I am good at taking them quickly.  We go straight to oncology and we have discovered some lovely seating by F machine, so we go straight there and Mary, I think that is her name is there, so we have a good chat while waiting and I am in on time and they check if I have enough tablets and if I need another review, I say no as but all is fine. Once finished there I have to wait for blood to be taken, I do not like this as I hate looking at my own blood. We had a little wait for this, but it is ok as we chat to more people. When I am having the blood taken I can not look as the needle goes in. I really hate needles, the lovely nurse tells me when the needle goes in and it is ok. Once this is done  we head home.
No one is home, so I have lunch, watch a programme, then fall asleep at the end, which was a bit annoying!!
This evening I met my friend Sue at the mall and I had a children's meal from McDonald's, something we discussed in hospital the  other day, I did have tea, but slightly burnt the fish and the pepper coating was not that nice!!  The evening with Sue was very relaxing, although  after an hour I started feeling queasy and that horrible taste came back.  My head is getting sorer, I tried putting on my fleece today, that you put over your head and gave up , half my head is just tender.

Sophie came too

Another Cost Coffee

Sophie finally plucked up the courage to come to Sophie finally made it hospital today, she had an appointment for counselling  in Bristol before my appointment . To keep up with my routine we had a Coffee before and I took my chemo tablets, we also went shopping!!!We arrived at the hospital and looked at the hats etc. for when I loose some of my hair, it will only be 2 patches, then I asked her to come with me to  Oncology and she said yes!!. We arrived on the radio floor and she got overwhelmed and someone suggested we waited around the corner. A lady Celia and I had been chatting to was there and before long Sophie was chatting too. F machine also had a delay, which ended up being 45 min. I should never have said it runs on time.I did not ask Sophie to look at the machine as I was so proud she had got this far. She actually said the hospital was very friendly and it was !!After my treatment we went for pancakes , Sophie and I had cinnamon  one and they were great as I had my first real sense of metalic taste, not pleasant today, so need a strong taste
to get rid of it. It didn't really work.... We didn't stay long as now I seems to get tired , so we went home and I did have a nap.

Pancakes after treatment

Katie , Sally's friend, popped in and
Sophie brought Poppy in with Heather, we are walking in the park tomorrow before going to the hospital. Bertie was a pain growling at Poppy so we had to hold him, naughty boy!!A lazy evening as now I am getting tired more, I do not want to mix in crowds. They said, when we had our chat, that I need to be careful , so for the first time in my life I am doing as I am told !!!
Plus I do feel a little sick in the evening ..

.

Bertie is back

Bertie is  back from Cardiff  having been with Sally who has throat infection and has not been home for a week.   The day starts  walking Bertie with Emma and Betsy. I must admit I was not keen to walk this morning as I felt sick and a bit headachy, but I was glad I went   as both went away after 10 minutes of walking.  Celia came at 10.30  and we were  there in time to take the anti sickness. Celia and I did some last minute shopping today, then we go for the radio treatment. I always go to F machine and we are nearly always on time, so I boast about this to Celia, but do you know what happened today, all the machines were on time, F the one I have my treatment from  had a 15 min delay, then a 30 min delay, well Celia and I did have a laugh about it. Moral of the story, never boast F treatment room is always on time....But do you know what, they are so good there, time does not seem to matter....
My head is getting sorrer, my hair is coming out(It was on my pillow this morning ) and I feel a lot more tired after the treatment, so I come home and have a rest, after I get the key from Irene next door as I am locked out. Sophie is out shopping !
This Evening we went to Brown's with John's mum and dad, the company and the food is excellent, but the place was just to noisy  and I am very tired by the time we leave, I know when I am tired I find it hard to get my words out. Being a complete chatter box this is a first.

One hug fits all.

One Hug fits all that is what someone said to me and I love hugs. I have always been a hugger. Sincw being diagnosed with this horrible cancer I have been hugged a lot, sometime people have no words to say to you, others do not know what to say, but a hug says it all, Sometimes there is nothing to say!! Even good friends I know who do not hug, now hug.

Celia come in at 10.45 and with the tablets triple checked off we go, I am glad of different people taking me as it getting boring. We get parked easily and head of for another café where I take the chemo tablets, we go into a couple of shops, but after taking the tablets I feel groggy, so we head to the hospital. When we get there we see Rosemary again and she gives me a Christmas card with her email in, I am so touched by this. I will never forget Rosemary even if our path never cross after this. I am seen on time and Celia gets to see the room{I am trying to get Sophie to go and they have a agreed to bring the mask out to prep her if she comes !}. The treatment is over quickly and I walk out fast, what I didn't realise Cellia was sat in the chair just outside, I did hear a voice, but however much I do not mind the place I am keen to get out!    Good job she is fit as she catches up with me.My head is beginning to feel sorer, it feels like my head is spilt into two halves, one side you can touch, brush you hair and there is plenty of it, the other side feels  very tender and sore, I can brush it now and the hair is thinning, actually it is thinning in the same place on both sides.
I go home and I do have cap nap for a bit. Janet  pops over and Julie comes in as she was passing the house, it was great to catch up with both.
A boring evening with my highlight being a Tesco shop !!!

What a day !!

I wake up feeling tired, so I should have know, I think I may have over done things at the weekend, but I always learn the hard way.
Mum picked me up at  10.45 to get to the car park in time  to take the anti sickness tablet. The parking has been better.  The usual routine follows as mum and I look for a coffee shop so we can sit down and I can take my chemo tablets, we have now found a great one by Sainsbury's. Well we go in and I get mum a coffee and I have a water ready for my tablets that I had packed(doing the tablets myself now) John however still writes the times out for me. I open the tablets to find out that I have packed 2 100g tablets instead of a 20g, I do have the 5 g. I am not happy as I want to be miss efficient not scatter brain. When I realise this we go to the hospital earlier than normal to let them know and in the long scheme of things it is not a problem. I have my review today so I am not sure what I have first, but I am called in for the radio treatment first and I  listen to their Christmas tape today, I am  now finding it very relaxing.!!! Once over we have to wait for review and we do have a little wait. The review is good and  the nurse is great, we check weight, talk about sickness and tablets, we also talk about hair falling out, I thought I would be ok about this, but now the hair is beginning to thin, I might find it a little hard at first. We also talked a tiredness and how  hard I am finding the afternoons after the treatment, so she suggested an afternoon nap, advice I will take...   We arrive home later than planned, Jane was coming around at 2.30, but I postponed her till 3, I arrive home at 3.15. I really wanted to see Jane as she is brilliant, Jane is one of the managers at work and she has supported me so much and because she has been ill with a bug she has not come round, While we had a great chat and It is her birthday tomorrow, so I will pop in again... Sophie and I also made cupcakes which I had pre weigh in the morning.
Celia picked me up to walk, only 2 miles tonight as feeling a tad queasy at times and I am also tired, which make everything worse.

Things that made me smile today... A letter from Rob and Lisa with a Costa voucher in it, so thank you...  Walking with the girls as they  make me laugh. Also a good chat on the phone with Julie !!

Santa at Thornbury Sailing Club and Carols at Church

We left the house at 8.30 to go the club, when we got there it was foggy and all I could see was a load on men standing looking at the fog on the water. Father Christmas was my last event to oversea at the club, so I had to check the Ribs(safety Boats) were ok to take him and in  doing so found they were a crew down, so I offered to go as crew as I knew the person driving the rib, mother John was not sure, as I did not have enough kit, bit the look on my face was not happy. well to cut a long story short, I was leant Martins cruiser trouser, many sizes to big, but they were warn and did the job. So off I go on the ribs for the race, the feeling of being in the middle of the Severn is something I never tire of, a feeling a space and freedom, free to go where ever you want and be what you want !  After the race


Me with Father Christmas

we had to pick up Father Christmas after the race from the floating jetty, which we did, then we headed to the middle of the river for him to change. On the way back the fog came in and we had to use the compass to get in as we had gone a little off course!!  I was also dressed in an elf costume.It was lovely to see all the children waiting to see him and the excitement on their face.  Once in the club house Father Christmas gives out the presents and it is just lovely. it is also the card giving event, the club feels alive. Sue  is also busy doing hotdogs and mince pies are handed to everyone,  the  bar is open,   we always give Father Christmas a pint... The sailing club has been like second home over the years, but John and I have also had second parents , so it was really good to see Jack and Brenda, ( Martin and Jane's mum and dad)when john was growing up he really spent a lot of time with time and  they welcomed me into the fold with open arm, so yes it good to see them !!!  Brenda gave me a kite when I had Sally as I had always wanted a kite. she also recalled today the first time she met me emerging from a tent  at Chepstow Regatta , hair not brushed and worse for wear!!

But reality always come back when I take my chemo tablet as they make me feel a little off colour for a bit, I  just hope they are working!!!   but I keep smiling ......

Mum and Dad picked Sophie and I up at 6. it was great that dad came as he does not normally go, but I was glad he came..  We got there and I realised I left my glasses at home and I can not see a thing without them, so a phone call to an unimpressed John and he brings my glasses down. Celia had got there earlier and a seat was ready.   I love singing Christmas carols  but as a resident from Glebe told me quite bluntly that I can not sing, but it does not stop  singing  and it did not stop me singing at Glebe. Church makes me reflect and by doing so, tears can roll down my face, Sophie looked concerned but I told her It was just the carols as they are so meaningful. The Choir  also sang the Bleak Mid Winter beautifully. Mulled wine  and a chat followed. 

Walking and Meeting Friends

Cycled to Elaine's this morning so we could go to walk, also I wanted to show David her husband my bike... We had a brilliant walk, plenty of chatting and putting the world  to rights.  When we got back to the house we had a lovely cup of tea, David came back from his walk with Rosie and I showed off my bike, he moaned the tyres were low  and I told him to pump them up if he wanted too ( He did)and then usual insults followed(someone thought we were bother and sister once because there was so much banter, we were at one of the children's parties. Both Sally and Robert are the same age and Sophie and Andrew are the same age) Anyway back to the blog, it felt great to have the banter, without realising it  people that normally banter with you suddenly are nice and that came out in counselling , that I miss that!!. David also rode the bike, but I am not sure what gear he rides in as when I got on the bike I really had to change gears.
I was meeting Maria and Sylvia at the garden centre at 11, so a

Girls from College. You have made my week!

quick change and off I go. to my surprise Julie , Chris , Lindsay, Sarah and Gilly also turn up, it was brilliant and we had so much to catch up on. We were all Support Workers at Ashley Down College , supporting teenagers and adults with learning difficulties, only Sarah and Lindsay remain, I had a brilliant time there . I worked with some inspiration tutors in many classes and some students that I will  never forget.  I took voluntary as the college was changing. Any way there was plenty of laugher and catching up on what everyone was doing. I can't help but miss the Place, but I do not miss the drive there... Then the reality is back as I have to take anti sickness tablet and the chemo tablets that make me fell groggy for a bit. The sickness is getting so much better, or I am getting used to it !!!
It is just Sophie and I , so we have lunch, then go and do some shopping .
This evening will be spent watching the strictly final and a bit of pampering. Sally has a cold and she has stayed in Cardiff , but John took nurse Bertie over for company, can not beat a dog for TLC.
Being Honest
Just to say evening are the worse when I am tired and sat on my own , it does  give me time to think and yes it does make me want to cry,  I  am not even sure what  I want to cry about!!

Counciling and Radio

Today I had counselling  with John, Hammer Out have provided it and it was excellent. As a couple we needed to talk to someone about the past few weeks and how I feel about it all and also the effect it has John and the girls. I hour went very quickly and I have booked in again to go with Sally.
We got into town early and went for a coffee, then headed towards Radiology. The receptionist now knows my name  and we chatted about crochet. When we sat  down she brought a toy that had been crocheted for me to see, which led to a friendly conversation with everyone else, most people have been there everyday, so faces are familiar. I went in on time and John was brave enough to have a look(John does not really do hospital) but I was impressed with him, not that I could see him because when they put mask on as I close my eyes . Treatment is over quickly and I now know when it is coming to an end.  We chat on the way out, talking about the blog. I also hand over the link to the blog, explaining I am no writer and grammar is not always good, but is  my thoughts and I want people to know about the cancer and the treatment and that it is not bad at all. I dreaded my first treatment, but it is nowhere near as bad as you think !!  Quite relaxing really.
I also have bloods taken, which is not my favourite thing. I can not look at the needle. This checks that the chemo is not effecting my blood count.
Back home quiet time and I cook tea. Julie comes for tea and we have a great chat. She asks how the head feels, the only way I could describe it , is that one half feels normal , the other side where I had the operation feels odd and sometimes a little tender.me, no comments please. I am also feeling not so sick today, which is great.

Can I say to everyone that has been emailing me about their lives, please continue as it is great, talking on the phone is hard, but e mail is good...

Puppy sitting

We looked after Poppy for an hour today, so she gets used to other people, to say it was a pleasure is the understatement.
It also does Bertie good as he gets very jealous when we stoke other dogs, hence John holding Poppy ( he loves dogs really)while trying to work. We walked her in the park and Bertie played with is ball. Back home and socializing the pair is going well, Poppy following Bertie around the garden.
Mo turns up at 11 to take me for my treatment today. Today we book at meal at Browns for next week, look around some charity shops and have a coffee, all before we go to oncology. It is lovely to do something before as it makes the whole thing a bit of fun.

There cake on sale in reception for a charity and we bought very good carrot  and coffee cake, although I can not eat them till afterwards. I saw Rosemary again, which is always nice. I was called in on time and Mo had look at the room and the machine, before I know it the treatment is over for today, my head is beginning to feel a little sore and the sickness feeling come in waves, but nothing that really bothers me.  Back home I do rest today as very tired. Later on Sophie and I make mince pies. Celia also popped  and I was glad to see her.

Will finish the blog later, as I have lost 2 photo and this  computer is annoying me. (Sally has fixed it now)

Lovely day, but shattered.

Bucket List

Emma and Betsy arrive at 8.30 for a dog walk. Going out with Emma is great, we have a brief conversation about how I am feeling, then it on to everyday stuff and not me which is brilliant.
I then decorate the Christmas tree till I get bored. Sally is home and we enjoy some time on our own.
Mum arrives at 11 to take us in. The appointment is 1.10 but we aim to do  something before we go in. Parking proved eventful with a man backing into nan, just to get into a space, no damage done.
We do manage to park, then head off to Park street where we found a brilliant shop called Guild and bought plenty of Christmas presents!.  Coffee and Tablets followed in their coffee shop. We head of for the radio treatment, Sally came in to see me put the mask on, she said she felt overwhelmed at seeing me go thought the treatment. I am getting more familiar  with the staff and asked for the music to put on, it is all 60's.  Treatment over  we race out the door, once it is over I want to go..

Nandos

Back at home we see Heather and her puppy Poppy( Bertie's sister). We invite them in for a play. It does both of them good.

Trying to forget that I feel sick and tired we head up the mall for some final Christmas shopping with Sophie and Mum. We spilt up Sophie and Nan, Sally and I . Sally is brilliant at shopping and I end up going into Karen Millen(Designer shop) I looked at the shop and Sally went in, so I followed and bought a lovely top to wear. Once we had finished shopping we all had tea at Nandos, then home.

I am now very tired, feeling  sick and my head is aching a little, but do you know what, it is worth it !!!

HaHa!

Here is a picture of mum with my new hat on- we told her we would put it on blog and she begged us not too, so here it is!! haha

Radio Photo Shoot

My treatment was not till 1.20 today, so had a morning of housework. Elaine came to pick me up at 11, early I know. We got down there and the car park said full , but we tried it anyway and got a space. Time for anti sickness tablet and of  we go for a coffee. We ended up in Browns, sat to the bar with Elaine having a coffee and I had a diet coke, this is meant to be good for sickness. My sickness has improved as the tablets have been changed and I am feel pretty good on them. at 12.20  while in Browns I take the chemo tablets. I know then that for a while after taking them I do not feel so good, if  this is going to be the routine then fine....
We arrive at oncology early and realise they are running a little late, but that is fine. The receptionist gives me a envelope with a crochet pattern in which another patient had left for, then she gave me a couple more as she was a keen at crocheting, so tomorrow I will go in with crochet to show her.
We also meet Rosemary, the lady I was next in the next bed to at Southmead, just has she was leaving, so a quick hug and she was on her way.
I asked if Elaine could come and look at the treatment and they said yes, they were brilliant and explained everything to her. When they had screwed me into place they took some photos which Sally has put on the blog. Believe me the whole thing is comfortable , although it may not look like it.
We arrive home and I do feel tired, but Sally is home and it is great to see her. A quick visit across the road to Janet . It was also great to Irene from next door, can not beat good neighbours!!
Celia also popped in with a fur headband, which I will wear with pride.  I am food shopping later as I have run out of bread, normal life does go on, although life feel anything but normal...

People say I am brave, but I am not , but I am the following: stubborn, determined,  feisty and  pig headed that when this cancer beats me, it will not be without a very good fight. But I hope the fight will last a while as I am ready..

What a mix up !!!!!!!

Having felt rubbish yesterday the bad day did not end there. At 1 am in the morning John gets up , I asked if he was alright . the answer no, then he is sick in Sophie's bathroom and banished to the spare room. When Sophie wakes it  all throws he and says she is not going to colleague, she does go.
Determined not to be in the same room as John, he stays in his office and I phone mum to take me to my review and radio appointment. John writes out when to take everything(Pampered I Know), so  I pick up the Tupperware box with my tablets in.  Wait for it, mum and drive into Bristol, get parked in time to have my anti - sickness tablet, then Chemo tablets. all that was in there was empty packets, I thought John had put them in and John thought I had put them in, after a little melt down and a polite  ish  phone call to John he agrees to bring the tablets to the entrance  oncology, in the mean time we go to the hospital and ask for some anti sickness tablets. John only took a small amount of time to get there, so by the time they had got them, John has arrived with all the tablets, still not touching the packets incase he gives me the bug. I have learnt a lesson today. Check things yourself.
I hope all the above makes sense. I had a review, which was good, talked bout sickness, exercise , weigh and hair falling out.  The nurse  was excellent and changed my sickness tablet to another one, downside to these they bung you up!  more Weetabix !.. By that time I have missed my official slot, But I am the next one in, the treatment is fine.  On the way out I bumped into the lady who was in the next bed to me in Southmead. I often think about her and she was with her son, again was very friendly, it turns out she has a grade 4 Brain tumour too, I have given her my email address and I hope we keep in touch. We shared so much in hospital and I hope will we will share more now. By the time we get home it is nearly 3, so we run a couple of errands.
Not walking this evening, due to feeling sick, so will rest and be boring....

Feling really sick

I thought today would be really good as I am in Cardiff painting in Sally's and Jack , the truth is I have felt really really sick, I changed sickness pills today and they are have not worked. So scence  taking the chemo tablets at 10.05 I have felt sick like I have never felt sick, which has made me tearful  all day. I did phone Elaine for a moan.I have also watched  2 Christmas movies and do 1/2 painting and slept.   I  am also having trouble writing the blog as I have  also forgotten my glasses and can barely read the writing.

I will update Yesterday as that was a brilliant day

Watching Telly with Bertie

Walking and Laying Up Supper

After a unsettled night sleep for some reason, when people say the chemo  and radio will go quickly, I don't want time to go quickly as I am still coming to terms the  prognosis of this horrible cancer.  

Enough of self pity. This morning I walked on the Down with Celia, mum, Elaine and Bertie. Elaine and I done 3 miles and we took 14.26 min to do a mile, which I was pleased with. I had to remember to take my anti sickness tablet so Celia set an alarm on her phone. After 3 miles Elaine and I slowed our pace and gave Bertie a dog walk. But at  10.05 I have to take my chemo tablets, so her I am on the Downs taking them. After 1/2 of taking them I  felt a little sick and light headed, but  if that is all I get, that is fine.We managed  to finish the walk the same time as mum and Celia and had our usual cup of tea in the car, mum brings a flask and we have a biscuit or cake, but I cut the cake up this but forgot to bring it!!.  It was my first Downs walk scene  all the headaches started, so was good to be back for banter and walk .
It was also Bertie's first time and he was very good, doing perfect heal work, well done Sophie for training him every week. Was very proud of Sophie as she went Dog Training on her own for the first time....

Back  home for lunch and Sailing Club prep. Off out now to cook a meal for 40 with the social team.
Will finish the blog and put photos up in the morning..

Games after the laying up supper

The team that helped cook and serve the meal

Radio and Bike ride .

Well I did have a moment last night of feeling sorry for myself, asking why me?  I also felt very tearful  so took myself of to bed to be miserable, but I  feel asleep in the process. I also had a restless night, dreaming, not nice.

Another day. Mums turn to take me into have my Radiotherapy. We arrived early and I bought mum a cup of coffee in the café at the oncology centre, but while we were there Lisa and her mother arrived, the person we chatted to yesterday. They told us to go on up as sometimes you can get in early , so we went with them to the radiotherapy place. After 2 visits it already feels familiar. It was great to chat to Lisa mum, it was also good for mum to chat to other people as she is good at finding out things!!!  I was called in on time and I would like to say it is awful, but it is not, it is quite relaxing really and the people are great, the music they played was good too. The mask is actually  comfortable and all you need to do when the treatment is on is close your eyes or as Lisa says count numbers, it all works.
Determined to be positive mum  and I went to ASDA  to buy a French stick , that is what we told the girls, but we got side tracked and went to Mataland , last of the big spenders....
So I did go on my bike after lunch and it felt so good, we went down fern hill, Sally is so slow going down hills, she told me to go slow, but having bike coaching from Ben at the tri club I like to let the bike go, so I did. I had to wait for her at the end of the hill. we cycled to the  church where we meeting mum , Sophie and Bertie. We had hoped to looked the trees, but it had finished yesterday! So I had to cycle home, the hill is steep so I was lazy and walked up, Sally cycled. I did cycle from the top home. To say it made me feel good was an understatement , I am back to being Julie for a short while, not Julie the person who has cancer.

Just to say I normally avoid having my picture taken, but ha ho I think it makes the  blog more interesting.

First Chemo and Radio

Woke up feeling, this is it, treatment starts and reality that I am cancer patient, see I have said that horrible word  cancer. Elaine popped into walk Bertie, she was walking with Emma and one of her dogs and I can not remember the name! Elaine also has lovely rescue collie called Rosie.
Well, actually it was alright. Last night there was a toy up for grabs and the person who won it. kindly gave it to me for good luck so the Reindeer came in the treatment room . I took the chemo tablets an hour before, going along in the car. When we got there we chatted to other patients that were going through the same treatment that help, then I  got called in quickly. They were lovely and I did not feel nervous, they did some x ray first then the treatment and the 5 min went quickly.  I have in my hand my mask, it feels very soft on your face although it look rigid. It is screwed to the table and is a tight fit, but that is ok too. Only another 29 sessions to go.
I must say I did feel tired afterwards, whether it was the late night or the fact that I had built this session up into something I was dreading, or the anti sickness tablets that I know make you sleepy. So I did have a sleep for 1/2 hour. Emma came round at 2.30 which was great, we just chat about everything.  Celia came in for a catch up on the way home from work.My evening will be very exciting as I am off to ALDI buying food for the laying up supper.....

Swimming and Hospital

Well as it turns out I went for my last swim today, while for at least 6 weeks with Cathy. The swim was lovely as I felt my stoke had got stronger and my love of chatting meant Cathy had already done 34 lengths  before I got in. I blame Katie, Sally's friend who was coming out as I was getting changed!!
Elaine came in before work for a quick coffee, then I popped over to my neighbours for a chat.
In the afternoon we went to the hospital, parking was a pain as John tried various car parks that were full, but we got there in the end. We still had time for a drink before the appointment, I used the time to look at the hats and wigs, but I want to wear a hat, it was also lovely chat to someone about cancer.
So I am taking tablets every day, also an anti sickness and anti bio tics in the evening 3 days a week.
I will say I am glad John and Sally was there, they also discussed side effects and talked about  how I will. They also said food will taste like metal or cardboard.







I was pampered.  Sophie done my hair, Sally put on my make up and a dress put on with my high heels, I was ready. Sarah came to pick me up and off we go to the Aztec Hotel, but we got the place wrong it was the Hilton at Aztec, we did have a laugh and Jane will laugh even more as we were texting her, A little hesitation before going in, but seeing everyone  was great, it was also wonderful to see Jane as she has been unable to see me due to flu. I also got to see many of the girls from the ground floor that I have not spoken to, At work they all knew I was there, as activities your job was to cheer the place  up and I tried  to that !  The meal was good and I had a good bogie . I danced to some rock and roll with Jean, Jane  also got us up to dance. Lee even danced to one song !The twist was most popular, being a 60 's girl I was up there laughing and joking. it also made me tired , so I slept well. Forgot to say they was a cuddly toy to be won on the table. They decided to give it to me to go to oncology with and I will take him, The reindeer will go in my bag..

A busy day

Today I have been tired all day(probably the walking the night before, but it is worth it)s. I saw out local vicar today which was lovely, he has  seen me through a lot and appreciate his support and prayers.Then I made some phone calls. I also had a lovely visit from a neighbour Libby, it was great see her. Also spoke to Maria from college and we tried to meet up, but with so many  treatment sessions it is hard. My college days were great fun and the people I worked with  were the best, so I am determined to meet at some point.
In the afternoon Sophie and I had to the pound shop for sweets etc.  for the laying up supper, then my cousin Lindsay her daughter Effie and Aunty Pat were visiting mum, Lindsay lives in Cornwall so it was great to catch up and 16 month Effie is adorable.
I was meant to visit my neighbour  after, but for the first time I had to cancel as I was just too tired.

The one thing I are learning about cancer is that you can not see it or touch it and some days you can stay mentally strong for it, other days you have to say to yourself that you just not happy with it, today is one of those days. I am also aware that I want to speak to other people going through cancer.

Going for my first Chemo session tomorrow, so this fight becomes real...

Christmas Shopping with Dad

Before I go out shopping I go for my usual walk with Bertie. I had to push myself to do this today as for some reason I was feeling sorry for myself !!!. But I was meeting Judith and Slinky, I was so glad I made the effort.  as the dogs had a great time. I then went to the village shop , followed my an impulsive trip into church to see the display of  trees in there, it was also a coffee morning, I nearly did not go in, but with a come  on from Judith  we went in. I was so glad I did, it was great seeing so many people I knew and I just enjoy being in the church.
I got home later than usual, had  rest as I do get tired, then Sophie came home and she had Heather and  Poppy with her, who is 12 weeks old on Friday. She has the same mum and dad as Bertie and I helped choose her.. Mum and dad walked in, I am very lucky mum had offered to vacuum the house while we out and I did not say no. Shopping with dad in Yate is our yearly thing we do, buying mum's Christmas present ( can not say what, but I am very pleased with what we got). Sophie also came this year as she had some presents to buy. We also had a lovely lunch in  a café.
In the evening I went walking with Celia, mum and Elaine. Mums house is where we meet every week.   I managed  the whole 4.7 miles of the walk, which I am very pleased about, But I did slow them down as the average walking pace was 14.45 min per mile and we usually walk quicker than this!! But we have such a good laugh, we are all quite different people, but we all get on so well and have so much fun when training, we are now in our 6th year  of training as a group.. Back to mum for a cup of tea, dad says we are noisy as we all chat so much, I am surprised he  can hear as he has his head phones on listening to the telly!

A normal Sunday

Feeling better now than before the operation, did not realise how bad I was feeling. went to the sailing club today, Sally was sailing on her friends Tom's cruiser so it nice to see her sail. My brother Phil who is going to learn to sail next year came down with his wife Sarah to walk the dogs. We also ended up doing galley as the person did not turn up!. We only served soup and a hot roll as it was easy to do!  In the afternoon went for a coffee with Liz from the triathlon  club to catch up, so informed of what was going on, but was great to talk about bikes and stuff like that.
I also cooked my first Sunday  roast in weeks and life felt normal, which was lovely.
Just watching Strictly Come Dancing and an early night. I think jack is fantastic and he wrote that, as could not find the curser and  needed his help!
As I mention Bertie a lot , here a photo of him in his new outfit. My older dog Ted who is 14 1/2 in the background sleeping.

Santa on a Bike

Never been on a Motor bike before and my first ride is with 400  other bikes. Amazing, people watching heaven, so many different bike, so many different people riding them. There was so much to see Shaun has never seen me so quiet and that is before the ride started. If anyone reading this has a motorbike this is a must to do. Shaun bike is a Big BMW with a very comfy seat,  I felt very safe and secure .We set off all together, as a  passenger I felt like the queen waving to everyone, the smile  did not leave my face, Shaun drove bike the Downs, down Park Street, thought the centre, then past the City of Bristol college(Mo was there with the family waving, one of them usually goes passenger and they let me go this year as I had mentioned to Mo it was in my bucket list, hence being here
today)then to the Park and Ride for a stop then on to Children Hospice for a cup of tea and cake.   On the way back we went on the motorway and I was told we went 90mph, it did feel fast and windy, but Shaun made it feel very safe.
When we got home and over a cup of tea John asked how it was and all I could say was Amazing, it was not just being on the bike, but the whole experience.

Having got back at 4, I watched another Christmas movie, had tea, went to Tesco, all boring stuff compared to the afternoon I had just had!!

I did swim

I did go swimming this morning and I swam 34 lengths with Cathy in the fast lane until , wait for my rant,  a women and a man she was trying to impress  came in, she made a point of looking the part and clearly wanted a lane to herself and was not that friendly, she could swim but he was not so good , our other friend from swimming touched his toes to overtake him a couple of times. If people can clearly swim faster than us , like some of the regulars that are brilliant swimmer moving over is not a problem, but people like her make me determined to touch her toes!!!!!!!!
Rant over and I think this has done me good ....   The swim made me feel brilliant chatting to other regulars just made me feel normal again, while as normal as I will ever get!!!
We all went for coffee  and Megan met me and we went shopping around Thornbury, which was very good, I went into the cake decorating shop, I go in there time to time, the lady is lovely, while she has made Christmas cake squares for Hammer Out, I found myself telling that I had had a brain tumour removed and that I was starting treatment next week, why I do not know, the whole thing made me feel quite emotional, I think things are hitting home a bit, John has sent me a link to a cancer support group and that hit home too. I have cancer and it is horrible, you can not see it or would know I was ill, but I have it and I am going to have to fight it with every breath I have.....
The afternoon was good going over to see where Julie lives and give her  Birthday present, we went to the pub for  a drink and shared chips.
After such a busy day the evening will be spent making decorations for the sailing club event.
Sally and Sophie have gone to dog training, first one I have not been to! We want Sophie to go on here own and Shelia one of the dog trainers has been brilliant  with helping  us, encouraging Sophie to go on her own.

Good Friends

I  am so lucky to have good friends, some take me shopping and surprise me outing, while other go  on dog walks and hear me, others bring me  flowers after  a bad day.  Some are just there when I need them and some send flower and nicely worded cards. I appreciate everyone .Enough soppy stuff on  to the blog.
I woke up feeling good. A dog walk with Emma  and Betsy started the day well, walking in the frost over the fields was great.  Mo then came with the Santa outfit and crash helmet for the Motorbike, ready for Saturday. We then went to Swindon  retail outlet , I wish I could tell you what I bought , but I  can not as they all read the blog. I did have more tea and cake!!  Mo  and have shopped together for years so it was a very good trip. I got home to a empty house which was weird .I then worried about Sophie being in out in the car when it was foggy but she was.  I just pottered. Then Sophie came home not long after me as she been Xmas shopping. Sally has gone back to Cardiff as she has uni today, she phoned to say she had done well in her assignment.
When John came home he had some good news in all this madness, I am allowed to go swimming a
nd do front crawl, hooray.  and if I heard right I swim through my treatment, but I can not swim without a friend and I have to let the life guard know as I might have a seizure.  I will not go silly , but will try and do 20 lengths, a fraction of what I used to do, but better than  nothing1
Cathy came up with some flowers to cheer me up, which it did , but did not stay to long as she had a cold. Celia also popped in as I normally see her 3 times a week for walking and miss the chats!.
The evening was spent doing the sailing club quiz and Sophie doing Tesco online food shopping with a little help from me. I am now hoping John is going to pour me a glass of wine !!!. Before the tumour was diagnosed I had actually stopped having alcohol as I thought it was the cause of all headaches, little did I know.

Feeling tired

I woke up this morning feeling tired and a bit weepy. It was Bertie that got me out of bed. He
pounces on the bed and does not leave you alone, John must have sent him up. I just could not face swimming, John is checking when I can do front crawl again.  I spent the morning doing housework and potting around the house.
The girls and I went into town to meet and old friend which was lovely and then Primark for  a few bits. Then we went home as I seem very tired today, emotionally, mentally and physically. Being brave  and strong is hard work, I am scared of the treatment and how I will feel having the mask on my face. I will pretend I am swimming the River Dart, the last 2k was horrible as I lost my way a little , got very cold and very tired, but I did it, even though I ended having the shakes and ended up in the warming tent with mild hyperthermia and strangers helping me take my wetsuit and all my wet  cloths  and wrapping me in blankets. Back to the treatment, I am sure after the first week I will be fine and will wonder what I was worried about . Back home I just sat with Sophie and watched another Christmas movie.
The girls  and Jack have booked and paid for a meal at the local pub, so I am off out later with John.
Not so much wine as last night, as light weight Julie can not take it.