feeling rubbish

I did not even walk Bertie, got up to go, but felt  rubbish, so I got Heather and Janet to walk him.
I went to bed in the morning and slept, then in the afternoon I rested on the sofa. No art today as there is feeling sick and feeling sick , so the only way to just feel sick is to stay in one place and stay still which is very hard for me... Will ask to change extra anti sickness tablets next time.
I did miss art, but I   just moving to make a drink makes the sickness worse. Much more worse than last time .
I am in bed now typing this, Bertie has gone elsewhere as I think he is bored of the one place. So fingers crossed I will better tom.

feeling very sick

Today I woke up feeling very very sick, worse than last time. I did walk the Bertie with Emma and Mum came  up to cut the bit of my left side of my hair, the right hand side is bald.... We  went out to the village shop to put a poster up. I am doing a coffee afternoon on Saturday  2 -4 . it Brain Tumour awareness week, the main day if  Friday. It encourages everyone to wear bandana's , which highlight brain tumours.
Going back to my day, when I was out I felt even more sick, so after mum dropped me off I spent  the rest of the day watching TV and sleeping, I think I spent more time sleeping....

over done it

Well since Phil bought his bike yesterday we had to try it out today. So went for a 7 mile ride out to Alveston, Tockington and then back up fern hill (only walked up the very last bit).
It was good to get out on the bike again but I think with walking yesterday and cycling I have probably done too much.
Have been busy baking cakes this afternoon ready for my Afternoon Tea Party next weekend in aid of Brain Tumour Support.
It was good to have a quick catch up with Tim and Janet before they headed back home.
So this evening I am feeling rubbish even before I take the Chemo so not doing very much now.

walking and buying a bike

I woke up feeling rubbish and  did not really want to walk, but John gave me toast in bed and I did  walk, but I felt sick the whole walk, the only way I did  the walk was to hold my stomach, he relieves the feeling of sickness. We walked 6 miles and the time was ok.
In the afternoon I  went with Phil (My brother) to buy a road bike , it was great fun spending his money. He test rode 2 and bought one and it got to take it home, so we are out on the bike tomorrow . Only short ride and really short if I feel really sick.
This evening Mum and Dad bought fish and chips around at 5, I have to eat by 5.30.  so I can take the chemo tablets later sat  in bed with Sophie watching TV.
I

A very quiet day

The appointment was cancelled at the hospital this morning as I  was already under another consultant.
So all I did was usual walk the dog , hand in a letter to the doctors to arrange blood to be taken next month and then  Tesco's, where we saw Alex, which was nice to catch up.
Sophie was off sick today so we both pottered and I finished my art work.
Sometimes is it nice just to be at home, especially when you are feeling slightly under the weather from the large chemo tablet that stick in your throat for 1/2 hour after you take them  even when you drink plenty of water to wash it down... wish it was wine I was drinking.

Rubbish week and bad mood today

Penny Bohn cancelled my massage at 8.30 this morning, a little disappointed. We went to the solicitors to sort out stuff that put me an   even worse mood, so when Janet walked in to dog walk the first thing all I said was" I am  in a really bad mood".  Luckily  the walk sorted me out...
In the afternoon instead of going to Penny Bohn Julie and I went to the Farmer Table which was very good, then the charity shops in Thornbury. Julie also cheered me up and we laughed at my bad mood.. This evening is just Sophie and I . I also have  to take my first lot of chemo....

It is  hard  knowing your illness is terminal, I have planned my funeral, No flowers, waste of money, the money is better spent going into research on brain tumours.   planned where the reception is going  be written down where I want things to go...  I also have told John where I want people to sit at Church.
I have even written the list for the finger buffet, easy food and Sophie is good at doing this.

Speaking to another lady in hospital with the same as me  she has done the same!!

swimming, chemo nurse and walking

First swim today, only 20 lengths and I had to tell myself not to do more. It felt great...
Hospital this afternoon and I picked up my chemo tablets, so I start the treatment tom. 5 days on, 23 off . I will have 6 lots of this and the dates work well the events I have planned, so sure how it all worked but Sally was there and she knows what is what...I know I will feel ill for some of it .
Walking this evening in Thornbury with Mum, Celia, Sally and Sophie and yes I said Sophie, she moaned a bit, but we did 3.5 miles in  a good time.
I am now very , very tired.
Penny Bohn tomorrow and a massage .

Walking and Art

My usual  dog walk today and then art with dad, today we drew a man that sat on  a chair. It was very hard, but I really did enjoyed the class. Today Sally took me and picked me up, that was nice as she met everyone.  Sally and jack are home this  evening which is good.   Sophie and I also went to Tesco's for food, we would have gone last night, but the car had a flat battery, someone had left the light on inside..... we could not even open the car.

I am feeling better at the moment, I am even doing housework!!!!!!.  Tomorrow is the chemo nurse so making the most of my last wine or gin and tonic tonight.

Today

Today I have decided that I will do all that I can to raise the profile of brain tumours , so if anyone reading this blog knows anyone they  can pass it on to please do.

I had counselling today and I told her that sometimes I feel like not fighting the cancer as it prolongs the agony of the people close of losing me, it may sound odd to say that , but my thinking is , that once I am gone, everyone can rebuild their lives, but  the other side of the  coin is that in the end I know will not beat this  cancer but the family can be proud that I fought it hard. I am  reading more about my cancer and understanding it. basically it like a weed that will not go, but they can slow it down. Sophie has also started reading up on it and I do not want her to worry so I have said I will fight all I can..

The counsellor is very good and we discuss many things. I am very tired now. I also start chemo again this week, I will learn more on wed when I collect the tablets..

Thank you Tom and Lyn

Another busy day in Ireland, Tom and Lyn took us to some more amazing place. Not  sure on names, but here goes. We went to place where priests go to retire, the words around the place are great, we also went to Hill of Tara, it is an ancient dwelling, amazing place. To finish off went to Navan , Jack's home town, where we visited the church and lit a candle, then some shopping for bread , then lunch. This all sounds busy, it was, but do you know what, I have had a great time and the hospitably from  Tom and Lyn was fantastic, they also do good hugs, so does Jack's nan. We  have all really enjoyed Ireland and if my dogs had not been at home , could have stayed there longer..
We are home now and It does feel good to see Bertie and  Teddy.

Hill of Tara

Navan visiting Jacks Family

 Yesterday we had a very busy day doing the yellow bus tour around Dublin, very interesting, we took in some shopping and visited the very posh shop.  In the evening we had a good meal in Murray's a traditional Irish pub, but i couldn't stay up for the music & dancing.
John started today picking Jack and Sally up from Dublin airport. Sophie and I stayed in bed !!
After a breakfast together at the hotel we  had a quick look around some shops in Dublin, then off  to Navan, where Jack lives.  Had a great afternoon and evening with Jacks family looking at the local sites.

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Carlingford

We drove to Carlingford today, a very quiet place with a lovely tea room, where we had our lunch. the pictures will say more. We also walked to the run down castle and walked around the very small town, more like a village. We also walked to look at the leprechaun garden, I do like make believe.
the hotel is ok, it has a swimming pool and John went for a swim, I am still not allowed to get my head wet in case of irritation from the chlorine, and because we are going to Dublin tomorrow I did not want to risk it.. I am sure I will be able to swim with Cathy soon !!!
I hope you like the pictures.

Giants Causeway

What a fantastic place, the photos will do the talking.  We walked about half a mile to see the stones, then followed the coastal path to look at the views out to sea. Legend has it this stones were put there by a giant and I love to believe in tales like this.








In the afternoon we went to Carrick-a-ride a rope bridge 30m above the sea out to a small island that used to be used by salmon fishermen. Looked like a crazy place to launch a boat from, not something anyone would do these days.
Then we drove around the coast to our hotel where we have a great view over the Irish sea.

So quite a busy day but I've managed to keep going (apart from sleeping in the car but that is normal for me)

Belfast, Ireland

We arrived in Belfast at 8 am this morning after a short fligft. We are hiring a car,so  after picking  it up john drove to the hotel in Belfast, we could not check in, but we did leave the suitcases here.
Having got advice on where to go, we head to the Titanic museum , which i must say was very interesting. Then we drive to Belfast city center where we had lunch at O Briens .  A city bus tour followed and that was very interesting, seeing the peace wall and all the memorials , so much history!!!  I can find some tours boring, but not this one, the woman who took the tour  was very good too.  To finished the day with a good meal at an Italian restaurant by the hotel.

Pen y fan

I would like to say we climbed to the top, we did not, we did not get very far really. It was snowing and walking under foot was very icy, fell down twice. But we did have brilliant fun, going slightly of piste , throwing snowballs and trying not to fall over.
After the walk, or should I say an hour of fresh air, we went back to Sally and Jacks for lunch, which was very good. !!!!

I think I will let the pictures do the talking on this blog !!

Busy Saturday

My day starts with a walk with the girls, back up to doing the 6 miles and getting the pace back. I am so determined to walk at get back to my old pace. 
We also went to lunch at Mike and Lily's , John 's parents house which was really good.
Back home and the usual sleep and pottering with Sophie. Still feeling a little sick in the evening, so a evening in. Climbing Penny Fan tom !!!

a helping hand from Mo

The usual dog walk this morning then Mo came to take me to do all the jobs I need to do. First Asda, then Mall, then T K Max. What I  enjoy about going  out with Mo is the laughter, we have done so much together in the past, she bailed me out when I broke my collar bone, coming to keep me company before my operation as I had told the family to go home. Mo will also tell me if I am doing to much. One of the very few people that can!!!..  So back to the day it was great. We had lunch together then she left me go have  a sleep. Sophie came in later and we went to McDonalds . Then an early night !!

Just to say I will blog about the next round of chemo, but appointments with the cancer man and any scans I might have I will not blog or talk about.  I am struggling to process things at the moment. I have also told John not to talk about it to anyone, when I am ready I am sure it will be on the blog, but at the moment things are just hard..

Off to Ireland Tuesday and ready for the break. First stop Belfast, then drive around northern Ireland, ending up in Dublin and visiting Jacks Parents. A well needed break!!

Just a quite day

At the moment I am beginning to realise I need time on  my own to reflect . So all I have done today is potter around the house and have  lunch out with Julie.  
This evening all I will do is watch Death in Paradise with Sophie and chill. 

Very short blog tonight

counselling today witch was brilliant ,I really needed it and it helps me to come terms with my brain tumour but I am emotionally drained.
I walked Bertie with Heather and Poppy then Power walked with Mum.
Also hour out with tri club.
Very tired, off to bed!

Brilliant Art .

This morning I met Sylvia from college, should I say ex college, we have both left! at the mail for coffee, we usually meet at Blaise Castle but due to not driving could not get there!!. Being lazy mum gave to a lift to the mail and back, anyway we had a lovely time and the time went all to quickly.
Dad picked me up for art, his job at art is to set the tables up, we do that then have a coffee before it starts, all very sociable. This week buildings, mine was beach huts on the beach which dad had chosen before hand. You should have seen what some of them were painting, out of my league!  Anyway I did enjoy my afternoon and 2 hours of art seems like 5 min, my work is nowhere near finished , but the art teacher has told me what to do.
This evening will be spent pottering  and being lazy.

Doctors and Penny Bohn

Today I had to go to the doctors to get steroid for when I fly, just encase my head hurts, she also gave me a flu jab and I collected another sick note, not sure when I will return to work, all depends on how the next 2 months go. Even the doctors was social as we bumped into Aunty Pat, which lead to a coffee in Thornbury.
A quick nip into home to see Bertie then off to Penny Bohn, with mum. Meditation today and yes it was very good, they say make your mind blank and think for the moment, I had no problem with this, although my mind did wander at one point when I thought of food, but they gave you  techniques to get it back.  I think mum enjoyed it!!. I have booked in next week with Sophie, should be interesting...
I have also booked a massage and a Living with Cancer course. This place is wonderful, just walking in makes you feel at peace with the world, it is sad that I had to have cancer to go there, but I am glad that is there to go too.  I am also grateful that mum is happy to share the experience with me..
Back home and a cup of tea with Mum, then my usual afternoon nap. Not walking this evening as a very tired...

Cycling again

Today the day started with pottering with Sophie, we had an early lunch, then Sally and I went for a bike ride, although not sure I was able to do it, we started our ride to the sailing club, after about 3 miles we did stop as my head was sore, but with Sally's encouragement we carried on and made it to the sailing club, cold and saddle sore, but very happy !!!. I had cycled 8 miles and felt alright....
Sophie had driven to the club to meet me  and give me a lift home. She also went for a run there with Sally.. Go Sophie.  I stayed in the warm club house and chatted.
Back home  for a sleep and then off for roast lamb  at mum's for tea which was great. Mum always does a good roast.
A quiet evening watching Sophie do the ironing, she irons better than me and now does all the ironing.

So determined

I may have cancer but it does not stop me from doing things at the moment. I went walking with Elaine, mum ,Celia and Bertie this morning, we did the longer route today and I walked 6.5 miles and I was so determined to do the whole walk and I did. The challenge is not so much the walking but the mental challenge it takes to do it. Thinking  you should not push yourself because you have cancer, the confident  I once had has now gone  and you doubt ability do  things that was easy. The cup of tea at the end was good. But what is really good about the walking is that the 4 of us are all so different , but that is why this summer we will be doing are 7th walk, one a year !!.  I needed to walk today to feel alive and me. The walk done the trick  !!
The afternoon was spent potting with Sally and Sophie, then home to watch Bridget Jones and baby, very good move.

Just food shopping.

Bertie ,Heather and Poopy

My usual dog walk with Janet and Heather. Heather and Poppy also came in for a cup of tea today as I was feeling a tad tearful, so she came in to cheer me up, not sure why I was tearful, I think the better I feel the more I worry about the tumour coming back!!. But I know what will be will be and I do try and stay positive, but sometimes I just can't !!!  Heather did cheer me up and young Poppy just makes me smile. 
Julie came for Lunch and took me food shopping as not being able to drive is now frustrating  me as I have letters to deliver and  things I need to do. Before tumour  I would have jumped in the car and done them. Anyway the pound shop and Iceland I have some nice food in the house.


Poppy, Heather, Janet & Toby

A phone call from friend that I had not seen  in a while was good too. I had to write to her to let her know about my cancer, which I found hard and was determined not to do it before Christmas, then it stayed in my bag a week. Hence the letter arriving today, she phoned and  we were on the phone nearly an hour!!
This evening will be spent in pottering around..  Hope to walk tomorrow, but i have a bit of a sore throat !!

Lunch and mail with Anna

Yes  I know, another lunch out and I am enjoying being a lady of leisure. Felt lazy today and did not walk Bertie, but I did go shopping and had lunch with Anna at the mail. I bought a dress which was hugely reduced (love a bargain) and makeup, I never buy either unless I am with Sally. But Anna is a champion shopper and we had a great time. We even had champagne to drink at lunch!!  A lazy afternoon, popping into see Heather , then Janet to sort out dog walking, Bertie makes himself out home in both the houses.  I think I have also finished my first bit of art,  it may not be a masterpiece but it is such good fun to do.   Celia popped in and that is always a very welcome visit...
Off to the sailing Club later as Phil as just joined and they have invited him to the club meeting to collect his keys, so big sister is going to support him.
John is having his first coached swimming session tonight with John the coach, Gavin will be there to show him the ropes. Pleased he is doing this as it will help him get fit and help him in the Tri we are doing together.

a lovely lunch out on Febuarary 1st

The usual morning walk with the dogs, Poppy now comes into the house with such gusto it makes me laugh. After the dog walk a sleep , then  Gavin and Richard pick me up for lunch.
It was Richard's Birthday lunch and we went to Thornbury.  The food was lovely and so was the company, it is great to talk about swimming, if I talk about swimming to other people I bore them silly, but both Gavin and Richard are very strong swimmers and Richard and I used to train in the pool together and Gavin and I have trained in the lake, but as I am getting used to the water temperature he has swam the first leg of the lake !!!  |Really missing swimming !!
When I got home I looked at the painting from yesterday, clueless on where to go next, I phone up mum  to see if dad is there. Luckily  they both come up and dad gives me another art lesson.
An early night tonight as my head is sore and still feeling a little sick, hoping it goes soon.

Forgot I had  not pressed publish . oops !!!