only a little sick

today I have not taken an anti sickness and I have gone to Tesco's  and pottered around the house, pretty pleased with myself. Off  to Tenby tomorrow, my baby brother will be 40, so a weekend with all the family, not sure I would be able to go if not well, be I think , touch wood I will be ok to go.

I hate feeling sick

yes I am throwing the toys out of the pram, I am so fed up with feeling sick. but today has  been ok, saw mum and Elaine and watched  TV, boring ...

just sick

still feeling very sick and I mean sick, but it is slowly getting better ,mentally  I am good. No tablets this evening which is a relief as they were large and stuck in my throat all evening.

pyjama day

I am feeling very very sick, so a day in bed. I am eating ginger, drinking water and taken extra sickness tablets and also wearing sickness bands and a sickness watch and I still feel very sick !!!!!
So mum came up and Bertie gave her his lead, so he was walked and I have chatted to Sally and texted people, a little bored really. Last tables this chemo tonight this cycle.

Mentally bettter

Mental illness is so understated , but last month I had a mental meltdown , I did not want to see anyone, be near anyone or talk to anyone, it was easier to go to bed and stare out of the window or sleep. I cried a lot and wanted to cry, not sure why. I was in a dark place. I miss Teddy so much, it still hurts, 15 years of fun and a lot of time spent with him.  But that is not the only reason I was depressed, worrying about palette  levels and the whole tumour thing had hit me too. But I have been punching hard and I am coming out of the box.
Today I feel very sick and wobbly, good old chemo, but my spirits are.  Today I have watched the London Mararthon , seen Elaine and Mum has popped in.
Sophie went to cook a roast, but we burnt the veg, so beetroot instead (it is good for you).

at the sailing club

We popped to the sailing club today to see Phil sail,(he is learning to sail) we got there at 4.30 and left around 7, I felt ok and the weather was good, plus loads of people to see.  good to be in the open air..

Scsttering Teds Ashes

A visit to Janet this morning, then to the sailing club to put Teds Ashes in the pill at the sailing club, we went via Tesco for sandwiches as I fancied duck !.  So we ate our lunch down there and put the ashes in the pill, which was muddy and they blew over Sally a bit, we laughed afterwards as Ted hated water and was very lazy, the fact that his ashes will move around is more than what Ted did as he was a very laid back dog, more like a cushion as John would say !!.
Back home I just pottered, tonight I have taken more tablets, ugh but I need to take them so I must not moan...

I swam today

I swam with Richard today, only 14 lengths, rubbish, but felt sick , but as Richard pointed out, I swam, it was also good to spend time with Richard. In the afternoon went to the Farmers Table with Julie, Sally and Sophie, it was great, but came home and have felt sick all afternoon, I am trying !!!
John has been a saint sorting out the chemo the  hospital  had problems with it..  So tonight it all starts again, I hate it, but this is for long term gain and time with everyone, so here goes.

better day

Today I woke up feeling better, a weird feeling, but so lovely. So today I had a cup of tea with Chris who was visiting from Poole and it was great to see here, in the afternoon, still feeling ok I phoned mum and we went for a walk, then to the village shop for a drink, followed a visit to church, however hard this chemo is, can you all pray that the bloods are going to be ok for the next round.

Not sure what to say

I'm still feeling sick and all of this sitting around thinking makes me scared. No idea how long this will go on for and at the end of it their are no guarantees. I keep questioning whether I will get back to swimming, walking, cycling etc. I cant see how to get through 4 more months of this. I will keep fighting it but sometimes it is hard.
At least I managed to get out and take Bertie for a walk with Sophie and John but was only able to manage 15 minutes.

another day

I had a good day yesterday, but feeling sick today. Went to the lake to watch john, gavin and sally swim...wished I was in the lake with them!

Struggling with it morally, fed up, pissed off and do not want to feel sick!! All I ask is to wake up not feeling giddy and sick.

I am rubbish company to my family and generally do not know what to do with myself- I am bored!

Another day tomorrow...fingers crossed.

a very honest blog

they say blogs should be honest, so here goes.
I am at rock bottom emotionally and feeling sick. Today I screamed the house down and cried and cried.  I phoned Kate the councellor and the girls phoned John because they were worried, Cancer is so rubbibish and I an not sure where and what to do with myself, one half wants to give up, the other does not want to die and is scacred of  dying and leaving people, but living like this is horrible, I have lost so much and today feel like crying and crying,

fed up

Each day I wake up hoping I will not feel sick or dizzy, or  les aching.I  would lie to say it is getting better, John thinks it is.   I am fed up, really fed up, Johnn and Sally are on their bike, mum and celia are walking. where am I ,  in bed feeling sick ............. so fed up. 

Sorry for not posting

I have been feeling very sick, dizzy and getting really fed up.

Today I survived with no anti-sickness tablets until about 9.00 and had a small trip out in the middle of the day but that was it rest of the day spent sitting around doing nothing. If I try to get up to do stuff I feels sick so have to sit down. Its not much fun for me and not much of an Easter break for Sophie either.

Still not feeling better

I got up this morning and managed to walk to the end of the road and back. Not really what i want to be doing. I was supposed to have a counseling session this afternoon but i had to do it by phone and even then i didnt last very long before i felt too sick to talk. The waves of sickness just keep coming and make me feel rubbish.

This is rubbish

Well that all there is to say really. Still feel sick. If I take sickness tablets my head spins. If I try to move very far I feel sick. But i'm getting bored of sitting and lying down. At least I spent most of the day downstairs today but didn't really do much.

Thanks to everyone who has sent messages, they are all appreciated.