The next part of my journey

The cancer has not gone away. Having the cancer move to the spine (which is unusual) was bad enough, but it isn't behaving and it has decided to go one step further and press on the nerves in my spine. Not only can I not walk but I can’t feel anything from my boobs down. Last Wednesday I came back into hospital, had more scans which confirmed what the consultant expected and they won’t do any more radio or chemotherapy, which I don’t like but understand.

So now we are making plans to get me home. Tomorrow they will test getting me into a wheelchair which will allow me to get around at home and get out but we realised talking to the care team how many steps we have in the house. They are currently sorting out all the care for when I get home, as well as sorting out the drugs so that I am comfortable which will take a few days, but I am hoping to be home at the end of the week.

I still get tired and need to feel in control of as much as possible so will contact people to visit me to fit around all the helpers. Adjusting to this is really hard as I look at my legs and I know they are there but I need to ask people where they are since they are not where I think they should be. It is hard thinking that only 3 months ago they were doing a 45-mile bike ride. Mentally I am strong but even the strongest people will struggle with this, so space is essential and being with my family.