Christmas

Christmas has been really good. Its been great to see both girls pick up on my traditions.  I have always really enjoyed stockings with lots of small items in from the usual sweets and nuts to useful presents socks, de-icer etc. This year I haven't been able to go shopping but the girls have carried on my tradition and did stockings for each other as well as John, Jack and the dogs. I really enjoyed opening them on Christmas morning. After the stockings we opened the rest of the presents before having breakfast and then having to clear up the mess.

We started eating for Christmas at Sally's on Sunday then here for Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day at Mums but we needed to call the nurses out just before lunch and so we had a late lunch. Life is never easy but they were great as usual and came out really quickly.

Even though its Christmas I still get tired and so we came home for tea instead of staying there into the evening which we normally do.

Merry Christmas everybody! It's Christmas eve and I've made it! Celia is writing this message as writing for me these days is very hard, but I am pleased that people want to read the blog so I'm determined to send a message. I'm looking forward to spending special time with my family who I just couldn't have managed without, they all help me cope. Time with them is invaluable. I have some incredible friends who have not left my side and I've recently spent time with each of them too.

Wishing you all a great Christmas. Be happy and enjoy every moment. Each day make sure you find something to smile about.

I'm working on new goals for the new year. My first one is to taste every type of chocolate and I'm looking forward to that!

I should make Christmas

 Well, Mr Herbert said there was a chance I could make Christmas, with six days to go I am still here! I must say it is not the most pleasant of cancers, last night was particularly un pleasant as the cancer was very, very painful in my back. You never know how the nights are going to be, last night was a real hum dinger! Having pain shooting through your left arm constantly all night was truly awful, luckily I had John and Sally here as we are trying to work out my sleep pattern as I'm also not sleeping at night. I was told by Sally that I was disorientated, which I really don't want to be. I don't want to be disoriented but am aware that the medication takes the pain away. I have a high pain threshold and I am aware that extra pain relief is needed but I really don't like taking it as it make me feel as if I'm in another world. This cancer makes you question how hard you want to fight to stay alive, as the pain is just not fair any more. I know this sounds ungrateful but I'm in no rush to leave this world. I'm tired.

Getting Closer to Christmas

Since the tumour in my spine was diagnosed I have said I wanted to make Christmas and although the consultant didn't sound convinced (he said it would be a good goal) I now feel sure that I will be here for Christmas. I am finding it really hard and understand how people loose their fight without really meaning to. The longer it goes on the harder it gets both mentally and physically. I am awake a lot in the night thinking about all sorts of things and it takes me a long time to wake up properly in the morning but even after breakfast I still feel rubbish and tired. As the day goes on I feel better and really enjoy going out for trips but then come back home and spend the rest of the day in bed and cant really do anything for myself, since I need someone to go and get things or make drinks etc. Then in the evening after dinner I feel tired again and drift in and out of sleep for the evening.
The drugs are keeping the pain under control most of the time but I don't feel great which is hardly surprising with the amount of drugs I'm taking.

But as for Christmas the tree is up and looks great, most of the decorations are up outside and I'm getting lots of help wrapping presents.

A busy week

A very busy week. Determined to make the most of life, we have pushed boundaries. So...where do I start? I have been to Bath Christmas Market with Mum & Sally and tasted very nice whisky and gin. Here is a photo of me and mum with Santa.

I have been Christmas shopping with Dad, Phil and Sarah for mums present which happens yearly. In between these outings I have days of rest as the pain is increasing and I get very tired.

I am not sleeping at night very well and get scared to fall asleep, and become upset. I am not sure what triggers the tears but I am learning to accept them. As I said before the pain is increasing, which means the painkillers are also increasing which have side effects.

Today I saw Celia in the morning and Jane and Marlyn in the afternoon which was great fun. I love catching up with work even though it seems a life time ago. But knowing I have worked makes me feel good.

I have also seen all the regulars who help me with daily tasks- you know who you are!

Tonight I will have a chilled evening, wrapping up a few Christmas presents and watching TV.

Brean Santa Run

Sophie, Phil, Richard, Jack, Elaine, Lucinda, Andrew, Karen and Sally took part in a 5/10K trail run. I went down to watch everyone cross the finish line. We were very lucky to get such a brilliant parking space and I was hoping for chips but the que was too long!! Sophie done very well and has now found a new love to running with Bertie. She has already signed up to her next event.

Today has not been so good, I have been in lots of pain fingers crossed we a solution sooner rather than later as I want to get out in my car and live!!!

Sometimes it feels like one step forward and two sets forward. But as long as there is steps forward all is good.