Being Open

They say it is harder to be open than not so I thought I write my thoughts down this evening.

It was my Birthday yesterday, I found this very hard to celebrate, thinking is this my last , or the other train of though was I have got this far.
I do find it hard living with this illness at times, knowing that some things you do, it may be the last time. I not an half empty person  and I am determined to live my life to the full, but I do try hard to stay positive and upbeat . I want people remember me as a smiling person , not a full of gloom person. I am also determined  not to sink into depression again.

today has been good, although things did not go to plan. Missed the bus as waiting on the right stop, but pulled into another bay, watched it go past !!My fault for chatting to Cathy.
Walked with Mum and Celia later, good walk. chilling now.

out with Celia tomorrow and a hair cut at the Salon, when I say hair cut, shaping the hair around the bald patch..

Back to swimming

It has been  a busy day today, Richard picked me up at 8.30 to go swimming. I managed 30 lengths  I think, I am rubbish at counting and it felt good, the only reason I stopped was I was feeling sick, even though I had sickness bands on.
I went to out to lunch with Sally and Jack which I really enjoyed, Bertie came too !!
Very tired this evening, so pottering !1

a quiet day

just pottering in the garden today and an evening meal at mum and dad as being tired makes me grumpy  and that is not good. also missing what I used to be able to do....

over done it

In my determination to get fit, I seemed to have over done it.
Today Sophie and I walked Bertie and Poppy(Heather walks Bertie a lot for me )they are easy together as they  play a lot.
then in the afternoon we went duvet shopping for thin duvets, then we done a BBQ I the evening.
Shattered now, easy day tomorrow .

just forgot to blog

I forgot to blog last night.
Yesterday was lovely, a walk at Severn Beach with Richard and Sophie, a cup of tea there.
Sophie and I had a much out then a bit of food shopping. Home to potter and Janet popped over for a cup of tea. Feeling so much better this time round after chemo, but I think it is because I am determined. Moon walk in 2 weeks so have to train and have legs back. I hope to do 13 miles, although signed up for 26, mum Celia and Elaine are doing that , but Sally and I hope to do the 13.

Off dog walking now into the village, still feeling a little sick, so this will try it all out.

baby sitting

I went to Glebe today to baby sit Megan's baby Sera.  I walked her around  the village. then I walked home,while I got a lift up the hill. I also had a chat with Janet. The rest of the afternoon was quiet as I am still feeling very sick.

So determined

Amazingly I went for coffee this morning, then watched Sally, Richard and Gavin start there swim in the lake , then Tesco. But I felt bad after that and I spent the afternoon in bed, but I did   go  out !!!!!not feeling that good now..

watching sally go

This morning I watched Sally, Liz, Ben, Gavin, Kirsty and one more set of on a bike ride to Monmouth, Sally and Liz did the shorter route ,only 55miles!!!!!, the others did the longer route, I admire them all as she said it was hilly ..
I walked the dog with Sophie , Phil and Sarah then went to Adli(love a bargain) for some cheap cycle kit.
Still feeling good I did some gardening this afternoon, but did take it easy.   The sickness is returning and is coming in bouts, ugh . But I am ok.

just taken chemo and I do feel very very sick. it is pants !!!!!

Sailing Club

There was an event at the club today, where other boat from different clubs come to the club to sail.  Sophie and I had were in charge of the food. Alongside Sue we served about 50 bacon sandwiches,  it was very busy. we also done food after, alongside free tea and cake. Thank you to everyone that helped me as at times my head did feel fuzzy, but this is what I love doing and when I  am there it make me feel good as a person. Phil was also there doing results and John also helped with the event, but so many people helped at the event ,it was great. Also plenty of club members made cakes, so thank you !!  John and Sally also came 6th in the racing which was brilliant.
So I am now tired this evening and Sue I am resting now, in bed with a book and laptop and all I am doing tom is hopefully watching Sally and Liz start there 85k Bike ride. fingers crossed I do not feel to sick, but I have Mo sickness watch at hand.

if at parts this blog reads wrong I will blame it on being tired and chemo head as I have read through it twice and still finding errors  .....

coffee with cathy

I caught the bus to Thornbury to meet café for a coffee . we met at the leisure centre where I chatted to Helen which was lovely ,then we popped into Thornbury for a cup of tea. Sally came home this after sitting her final exam and we went shopping for cycling clothes. We also went to the mail in the evening !!!  Very tired, chemo tables now... what joy!

swimming

I swam with Richard today, 50 lengths and it felt easy. A lovely afternoon with Elaine popping in, then a trip to the mail with mum.  Judith also popped in with homemade welsh cakes which I did not share !!! the cake was good too !!Food shopping for the sailing club , then met John at the lake to go to the pub.
Downhill for a bit as just taken anti sickness and I am about to take my chemo, as someone said at swimming, pretend it is liquid gold, I will try..

walking

counselling this morning. A lovely lunch with Janet and a 4 mile walk with Celia and mum. I am now very tired. early night. Chemo starts again tomorrow . a little moan, just checked chemo tablets, I asked to have smaller pills , the doctor requested it...  guest what I got  the large 250 g one that stick in your throat for a while, what joy!!

art today

this morning my usual walk with heather and poppy and Judith and slinky. Then mum came up to  help me sort out the house. Art this afternoon, nervous about going as not been for a while, but I did enjoy. Celia popped in for a catch up which is always good for me.  Having been busy baking for the event at the sailing club on Saturday.  chemo starts Thursday.!!!!

hospital today

This morning I spent doing housework. Thus afternoon we went to the hospital to see if I was ok for the next round of chemo and I am, I am pleased as it is fighting this horrible cancer. I told the consultant today that I always wore my old clothes because if it was bad news I would never have to wear them again. She also told me that I do more exercise than most people!!!!

A chat

today I walked Bertie at the sailing club with Sarah and Sophie. We ended up staying a while as there was loads of people to chat to.. such hard work!!!!.  while chatting to a member who's wife had a cancer made me realise I might need to talk to other people. he said people do not know what to say to you, so to anyone reading the blog that is unsure. here is my guide.
If you took the mikey out of me before, carry on, I will give as good as I get!
Ask me how I am, but do not let me wallow in self pity.
Laugh with me, I am living!!
But if I am on a bad patch help me get out of it, although I may push you away, don't give up on me..
I am trying my best, but unsure how you do live with cancer, I am not brave, but doing the best I can.
Just glad there are people around to pull me up when it is needed..

Back to today. we backed cakes and Mike and Lily(john's parents) came for tea and cake , always good to see them.

doctors and lunch out

Today has been busy, doctors for bloods in Thornbury. then I meet Megan and  baby Sera , which was great, a lovely lunch out and a bit of shopping. When home Poppy came to play with Bertie and a visit to Janet , a enjoyable day ....

Almost a normal day

Started by taking Bertie for a walk with Emma which was good. Then Mo came round and took me out shopping.
This evening I went walking with Mum & Celia nearly 4 miles around Thornbury. That was ok but I wont be able to keep up with their longer walk at the weekend.
Feeling tired now and still very saddle sore from the bike ride at the weekend

meeting friends

today I had a cup of tea at Wyevale garden centre with Sarah, which  I really enjoyed, then mum took me to the mail to meet Sylvia which was great, we also did some shopping as well as having a cup of tea.  Very tired now but I enjoyed the day.
Also added a couple of photos to Sundays Triathlon blog page.

ps
I have written the blog without my glasses on, so if there are any spelling mistakes etc I can not see what I have written and I am too lazy to look for my glasses

feeling sociable

walked Bertie with Heather and Judith  this morning , then mum came up to help with housework, first time in weeks I have been worried about the house and there is plenty of catching up  to do.
this evening I am going to watch go sailing , hence the blog being done early.

Trilathlon

What a brilliant day.We left the house at 5.30  with 3 bikes on the back and 5 adults.  Sally, Richard, Phil,Gavin, Emma done the whole event and John and I and Mum and Jack done the relay.  Everyone really enjoyed the event and some done better than other. It was lovely doing it as a group and it was great to have Katie and Sam and Liz and Ben come up for support. sophie , Sarah and Celia were put to work while we were doing the event carrying the bags.
My legs are now aching , but I do deserve that as I had only cycled 2  miles in the last 6 weeks!!!

the day before

walked this morning, going round more fields now. Gavin came in the afternoon to pick Sally, mum and I up. Richard also came. We had to register for the tri, do wish I was doing the whole thing, but glad to be doing the bike, although I have to say it will be slow and I hope to get around. Gavin drove around the bike course today and it is as I remember.  debating whether  to  wear  brain tumour support  t shirt. part of me wants to do and pretend that the tumour is not there and I am not ill, the other side of the coin is to be loud and proud and say look what you can do with a brain tumour. so we will  see what my mood is in the morning.

swimming

today I met Cathy for swimming, Richard took me .He is also a fantastic swimmer. It was great, all the regulars were there and there was plenty of chatting. Richard and I then came home and made cupcakes for Sunday. In the afternoon Julie came for lunch, then shopping.


It has made me realise the last few days how depressed I have been and that I never want to go back to such a dark place.

Living

I had cancelling from Kate yesterday which was good.

Today Sophie did not go to college as she had counselling from Kate too. I did dog walk with Emma and walked round more field, legs coming back.  In the afternoon I popped over to Janet for a catch up, she had been on holiday. I also went on a very short bike ride, I  am doing the 12 mile bike on Sunday in a team tri with John. I did feel sick, but I  will do the 12 miles !!!!

Tenby

It was brilliant, 16 went, all in one big house backing onto the beach. I was not sure I would be well enough to go, I did, plenty of walking and a swim in the sea(I had a wet suit). feeling better by the day as the side effects of the chemo wears off.  Sarah organised the weekend she did an amazing job, ans we all really enjoyed it.