I should make Christmas

 Well, Mr Herbert said there was a chance I could make Christmas, with six days to go I am still here! I must say it is not the most pleasant of cancers, last night was particularly un pleasant as the cancer was very, very painful in my back. You never know how the nights are going to be, last night was a real hum dinger! Having pain shooting through your left arm constantly all night was truly awful, luckily I had John and Sally here as we are trying to work out my sleep pattern as I'm also not sleeping at night. I was told by Sally that I was disorientated, which I really don't want to be. I don't want to be disoriented but am aware that the medication takes the pain away. I have a high pain threshold and I am aware that extra pain relief is needed but I really don't like taking it as it make me feel as if I'm in another world. This cancer makes you question how hard you want to fight to stay alive, as the pain is just not fair any more. I know this sounds ungrateful but I'm in no rush to leave this world. I'm tired.