Results meeting

A bad nights sleep if you call it that, I was on a private mission not to need stronger pain killers, as head was very uncomfortable.   I suddenly feel overwhelmed, suddenly you do not know what normal is, how will life pan out and how will I adjust to the changes. I asked Celia to come in before work as talking to John felt wrong. I have always chatted to Celia as we train together for the walks. A  good cry made me feel better and just accepting  there will be bad days and that is ok.  My left hand side feels horrible, which they warned me, it does not feel that it belongs to my body, I have to think about everything I do , from walking , to getting a cup from the cupboard.

Well it was bad news, grade 4 tumour and an aggressive one, 6 weeks if chemo and radio in 3 weeks time followed by a further 6 months of chemo. A  Shock, but I lost a sister 25 years ago in a riding accident, so I have had longer than her. Telling people is another thing. Telling the girls I will not be around to see them have grand children , get married is hard, but I do know that I will live life to the full. Am I scarred yes, who would not be, will I fight it yes and I will fight it hard. I Do not feel any different at the moment, but when it sinks in I know it will be hard, but at least I will have time to do a bucket list and I will party and live life to the full.

Just told Irene , my close next door neighbour, I think she could have hit someone. I do feel like crying and running , but there is nowhere to go, so I am I just going to accept it and live.